Building a family through adoption is a profound journey, and for many, it comes with unique considerations. This is our story: a real, often challenging, but ultimately beautiful journey into becoming dads, specifically as an older gay couple navigating adoption. For us, it was a path illuminated by patience, a surprising amount of decluttering, and a whole lot of love. Consider this the very beginning of our adoption story, the first chapter in a series of posts about our experiences.
The Unspoken Dream: A Seed Planted Years Ago
The idea of having a family was always present for us. As a gay couple, we understood from the outset that the “traditional” route was not our story – and that was perfectly fine. Adoption, however, consistently felt like our path. Back in 2003, after only a couple of years together, we even contacted our local authority and spoke to a social worker. We were young, still finding our feet, and had just rescued a fairly temperamental dog named Oscar.
Looking back, deciding then wasn’t the right time was the correct, though saddening, decision. Oscar was an amazing dog, a wonderful part of our lives for a remarkable 17 years, living to about 20 or 21 (his exact age was never certain). Truthfully, he wouldn’t have been great with children. So, we put that dream aside, promising to revisit it when Oscar was no longer with us. Sometimes, timing is everything.
Reawakening the Hope: The Call of Parenthood Returns
Life continued. We married, built good careers (I became a primary school teacher, which now feels quite fitting), and enjoyed holidays to far-flung places. Our life was full and adventurous, but the quiet dream of being dads never truly faded.
Then, in 2019, with Oscar gone and a new chapter beckoning, we decided to explore adoption again. We immersed ourselves in the process, attending two adoption events run by local authorities. Entering those rooms, filled with excited but nervous people listening to adopters share their experiences, felt significant. I, for my part, researched the process exhaustively – every single detail. Looking back, it’s amusing how I never realised I might be autistic; that level of intense focus and deep dive into a topic of interest makes so much more sense now.
The thought of truly beginning this journey, inviting social workers into our home and opening up our lives to scrutiny, felt genuinely scary. Yet, that long-buried dream, once reawakened, caused our hope and desire to soar. Becoming dads was undeniable.
Opening Our Lives: Stepping into the Scrutiny
We began the practical steps. We decluttered the house thoroughly, decorated areas we felt needed attention, and after an initial visit from a social worker, submitted our registration of interest form. That first visit was incredibly daunting. We tidied, we worried, we probably over-analysed every detail. But in reality, it wasn’t as bad as we had expected. That moment marked the true beginning of one of the most life-changing adventures of our lives.
Patience, Preparation, and Profound Love: The ‘Way’ Illuminated
This journey is a marathon, not a sprint. Proceeding steadily, being incredibly informed, and cultivating deep patience has been key for us. It’s a significant journey, and it’s not fast. This time, however, is a gift; use it to educate yourself.
Understand this upfront: adoption is not an “easy” option. It’s not a shortcut to parenthood, nor a simple alternative if biological parenthood isn’t possible. The process is long, often challenging, and the children are not like other children you might encounter in a typical primary school playground. These are wonderful, resilient children who have, in all likelihood, experienced things no one, especially a child, should ever endure. And yes, that leaves a mark; it shapes them.
However, this does not mean it’s not worth it. It absolutely, unequivocally, has been worth every hurdle, every moment of uncertainty, and every ounce of effort. It is vital to be aware of the journey you’re embarking on, to step into it with your eyes wide open and your heart ready for both profound joy and challenge.
Our Unique Canvas: Layers of Our Adoption Story
Being a gay man, part of a gay couple, distinctly shapes our experience compared to many others embarking on this journey. This difference is not negative; it simply is. Many heterosexual couples approach adoption from a place of heartache, often after years of struggling with infertility or other biological issues. For us, the reason was always clear and positive: we are gay, and adoption was simply our way to build our family. There was no ‘failure’ in our story, no grief over a path that couldn’t be taken. Our ‘why’ was straightforward, and that perspective influenced our entire process. It was about creation, pure and simple, and that is a beautiful thing.
Looking Back, Looking Forward: The Continual Unfolding
Our adoption journey has been one of discovery – not just of what it means to be dads, but also of ourselves, our resilience, and the incredible capacity of the human heart to love. It was a long wait, longer than we initially thought possible, but every single moment, every form, every conversation, every tear, led us to our amazing children. It’s a true privilege to be their dads, and our story continues to unfold, one beautiful, messy, wonderful day at a time.
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