Getting to Stage One of the adoption process felt like a monumental achievement. After the journey we’d already been on as an older (oldish) gay couple, just to get to this point, that first proper visit from a social worker felt like a huge step forward. And honestly, that feeling—that little burst of relief and accomplishment—was something that would repeat itself with every single transition to a new phase.
This whole journey is a marathon, not a sprint, and celebrating those small victories along the way is so, so important.
The Practicalities: Paperwork, Pets, and Paying for Medicals
So, what exactly is Stage One of the UK adoption process? For us, it was all about the practicalities. A new social worker, specifically for this stage, came to our home. She was lovely and easy to talk to. I remember our white and grey cat taking an immediate liking to her black trousers, leaving a generous coating of fur as a parting gift. It’s funny the things that stick in your mind.
She was there to gather data—a lot of it. We went through our finances, various insurance policies, and the safety of our home. This was also when the ball started rolling on our DBS checks. And then, there were the pets.
Which reminds me… each pet required its own individual risk assessment. At the time, that meant five cats and two chinchillas. It involved a lot of questions, and while some of it felt a bit like a box-ticking exercise, I can see the value. This is the point where you’re prompted to think deeply about whether bringing a child into your home is right for everyone involved, including your furry, feathered, or scaled family members.
We also had to book our adoption medicals, and we were quite surprised to learn we had to pay for them ourselves. It was even more surprising to discover the huge variation in cost between different GP surgeries. We paid between £80-£90 each, but we later heard of others paying closer to £140! It’s one of those unexpected hurdles, and it’s good to be prepared for it. In fact, being ready for potential hurdles is a key part of this whole process; things like needing to lose weight or unresolved infertility can sometimes cause delays for people.
Homework and Hyperfocus: How My Autistic Brain Helped
Alongside the official checks, we were given homework. Lots of it. There were questions to answer, family trees to draw, and our support networks to outline. We also had to keep an education log. Now, this is where my brain, which I didn’t yet know was autistic, really came into its own.
Adoption quickly became a special interest. My monotropic way of thinking, which allows me to dive deep into a single topic, was a huge asset. I read everything I could get my hands on, watched documentaries, and listened to podcasts. Our education log was overflowing. I now see that my ability to break down a massive, overwhelming task—like, you know, adopting a human being—into much smaller, manageable chunks was incredibly helpful. The adoption process itself, broken into stages, almost lends itself to this structured way of thinking.
My advice? Don’t think too far ahead. The process is big and unwieldy, and looking at the whole mountain at once is terrifying. Just focus on the bit you’re on right now. Complete that form, book that medical, write that paragraph of homework. It makes the massive journey feel achievable.
Finding Your Feet (and the Right Social Worker)
Our adoption agency liked to get potential adopters onto their prep training course during Stage One, though ours ended up happening right at the start of Stage Two. Their reasoning is that Stage Two is already so demanding, they like to front-load as much as possible.
We felt incredibly lucky with our Stage One social worker. She was easy to talk to, and we felt seen and supported by her. That’s a feeling we’d have again over the coming years, but it’s important to acknowledge that not everyone’s experience will be the same. You and your social worker are building a professional relationship under intense circumstances. If you find that you just don’t gel with the person you’re assigned, don’t be afraid to speak up. Talk to their manager, raise your concerns. Problems can’t be fixed if the right people don’t know about them.
With the boxes ticked, forms filled, and homework completed, we got the news a few weeks later. We were ready to start Stage Two. Another small victory, another deep breath, and another step closer to our child (at this point more than one child wasn’t something we’d even imagined).
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