If you’re here, you might be asking yourself a question that, until recently, was a constant in my own mind: “Am I autistic?” It’s a profound question, and figuring out the answer can feel like navigating a maze without a map. I wanted to share my autism diagnosis journey with you, in the hope that it might help to know you’re not alone in this.
The First Clue: An Unexpected Reflection
For me, it all started, rather ironically, with my son. We were on the long and winding road of trying to get him referrals for autism and ADHD assessments (a whole other saga for another day!), and something started to click. The questions, the descriptions, the traits… they weren’t just about him. They were illuminating my own past.
Down the Rabbit Hole: Online Tests and a New Perspective
So began my autism diagnosis journey, I did what many people in that position do: I turned to the internet. I went down the rabbit hole of online screening tests, taking the AQ and RAADS-R several times. It wasn’t that I mistrusted the score, but a part of me couldn’t quite believe it. Could this really be me? But those questions were more than just a quiz; they were a mirror. They prompted me to reflect on my entire life—my friendships, my struggles at school, my former career as a primary school teacher, my intense passions—and suddenly, things started to slot into place. The idea that I might be neurodivergent wasn’t scary; it was a relief. It felt like perhaps the things I’d found so difficult weren’t a personal failing. They could be reframed.
Finding My Voice in Others: The Power of Podcasts
My next step was to put in my trusty noise-cancelling headphones. As a huge fan of podcasts, they became an invaluable resource for understanding neurodivergence. “The Neurodivergent Podcast” particularly resonated with me. Listening to the hosts and their guests share stories that felt so familiar was incredibly validating. It moved beyond a simple list of traits and into the realm of lived experience—hearing others talk about the same social exhaustion, the same deep dives into special interests, and the same feeling of performing in a world not quite built for them. This was what gave me the final push; the feeling that an actual assessment wasn’t just a whim, but a real need.
Life’s Crossroads: Why I Needed to Know
Life, as it tends to do, was throwing a lot at me at the time. The last few years have been a whirlwind of becoming a dad (twice!), a career change, and healing from some difficult experiences with bullying. It’s been wonderful, but also intensely stressful. The desire to know for sure if I was autistic grew from a whisper to a roar. It felt like a fundamental piece of the puzzle of me, and I needed to find it.
A Difficult Decision: Choosing My Path to Assessment
I considered going to my GP. I even rehearsed the conversation in my head, but I struggled to face it. The stories of mammoth NHS waiting lists and the potential complexities of a ‘Right to Choose‘ referral felt like another mountain to climb when I was already tired. I knew myself well enough to know that the stress and uncertainty of that route would likely do more harm than good at that point in my life.
So, I made a choice to pursue a private assessment. I want to pause here and say that I know this is a huge privilege. The cost is significant, and it’s a route that isn’t accessible to everyone, which is a real injustice. I’ll write a whole post about my experience with the private assessment process itself, but for now, I’ll just say this: for me, it was the right path.
The Diagnosis: Not a Label, but Permission
The assessment was more in-depth than I ever imagined, but the day I received my report—the day I read the words “Autism Spectrum Disorder”—was monumental. It wasn’t a label or a limitation. It was permission.
Permission to be myself; to unmask; to look back at my life not with regret, but with understanding and compassion. This diagnosis hasn’t changed who I am, but it has completely reframed how I see myself. It’s like I’ve been given a new pair of glasses, and for the first time, I can see myself clearly. My autism diagnosis journey has really just begun, but it’s a path that feels exciting, positive, and finally, full of self-acceptance. And that’s a wonderful place to be.
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